WALT edit another author's writing.
I will read the writing aloud.
I will listen to how I read, when I stop I will know that I need a full stop. When I pause or find a list I will insert a comma.
Do you know what a chopper is? I bet you think it is a tool for cutting. Well you’re wrong; When I was young it was the coolest bike around. It had three gears, a banana seat, a normal size wheel on the back and a small wheel on the front. They were also very expensive and there was no way that my parents could afford one, so my cousin’s and I decided to make our own.
It was quite a simple and ingenious idea we came up with to construct our own chopper, using my 2 wheeler and my little sister’s 3 wheeler. My bike already had a banana seat and there was nothing we could do about giving it gears, but we could give it the look. We simply took one of the back wheels off my sister’s bike, which was smaller than my wheels and put it where my front wheel should have been.
“Whoa that looks flash” said my cousin James. “Giz a ride, I’ll take it for a test drive” he demanded. I wasn’t to keen on him having the first ride, because it was my bike and all of the tamariki in the Whanau knew that James could break any toy in about 2 minutes flat. Too late, he plonked his fat bottom on the seat and was off.
“Hey come back”, I yelled as he disappeared around the corner of the house. My cousins and I were soon in pursuit. As we rounded the corner of the house we were greeted with the sight of our fat cousin sprawled on the grass, crying, and holding his leg. It seems he was unaware that when you put a small wheel on the front of a bicycle, cornering is very difficult.
Reflection:In room 8 we have been learning about placing our punctuation in the right places in a story, In this piece of writing I think I did well placing my full stops and capital letters in the right place. I think I need to improve on the use of my commas next time.